Articles & Answers: Perfectionism
Perfectionists rain on their own parades. If a person needs perfection, he will be chronically dissatisfied, even depressed, because of the habit of believing that if something isn't perfect, it isn't worthwhile at all. People who have this kind of perfectionism will have trouble appreciating their friends, their work, and their everyday activities, because of their habit of thinking, about everything, "If it isn't perfect, it's worthless". If a person is a bit more realistic he might say to himself, "If it isn't perfect, it's not good enough". This is just as bad.
A hypothetical person, Charlotte, is proud of her abilities to attend to details and to turn out beautiful pies and cakes for family parties, decorated with names and messages. Her family members appreciate her mastery but hesitate to ask her for help. They know she will agonize over her task and require far more of herself than anyone expects or needs. Charlotte herself often wishes she could let good enough be good enough.
Mark works for a bank. He was hired because of his outstanding performance on the tests they gave to applicants, and his excellent academic record. A year after his hiring, at the age of 23, he has ulcers and insomnia and his marriage is shaky, because he spends long hours at work double checking everything he does, and during "quality time" with his wife, he worries about his work performance. His supervisor at work is unhappy with his work because though he never makes mistakes, he accomplishes less than his peers. His priorities don't fit with the real world.
Sadly, a perfectionist is likely to apply these unrealistic standards to himself. Is it ever true that you must be perfect?
The perfectionist will be happier and more appreciated by his family and community if he has a desire for excellence rather than a need for perfection.
