Articles & Answers: Anger
Anger is a normal human response. People get angry when things go wrong, or when someone interferes with them or blocks them, especially if it's seen as "unfair". Anger, and the expression of anger, can be adaptive. When you let someone know that you are very displeased, he or she may change the behavior which made you angry.
Unless: If you are blaming or critical when you express your anger, the person you attack, your spouse or your friend, is likely to become defensive, making a bad situation worse. It's not always productive to express your anger.
It is stressful and counter-productive to be righteously indignant or intensely disturbed. Anger is emotionally and interpersonally destructive when you fume and rage. Consider this: when you are angry it does not necessarily mean that something, or someone, is wrong. Rather, it means that you have been offended, or inconvenienced, or thwarted. When it is the result of someone behaving badly, they may not see it that way, no matter how wrong they are. ("Wrong" is a matter of opinion.)
Since we live in an imperfect world with imperfect fellow human beings, these are adaptive ways to manage your anger:
- Know when you are fairly powerless to change what is going on or what happened (and resign yourself to the fact: you are sometimes powerless).
- Don't take things personally when they may not be aimed at you.
- Try to be philosophical and calm when mistakes and accidents happen.
- Don't be afraid to let people know when you are mad, but don't expect them to like it, or to change because of it. (Learning to express yourself diplomatically can help you to express your anger in ways which might be productive.)
- Don't churn; don't hang on to your anger. Be philosophical about your irritations and disappointments. Exchange your anger for annoyance; when there's no action you can take to change whatever you're mad about, you can learn to let go of the anger.
